I learned to people-please around the same time I learned my ABCs.

As a child of an alcoholic, I became an expert at modulating my behavior to match what I thought others wanted. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t cause disruption. Do whatever you can to maintain the peace.

Spoiler: It worked… until it didn’t.

The Problem with People-Pleasing

Even with my people-pleasing shield firmly in place, I achieved incredible things. It’s amazing how much you can accomplish while biting your tongue and avoiding the hard stuff.

But here’s the thing: people-pleasing and leadership don’t mix.

True leadership requires more.

It requires knowing what you stand for and being willing to be messy and awkward while saying it. It requires leaning into tension instead of avoiding it. And most importantly, it requires showing up as yourself, not just who you think others want you to be.

Breaking Free from the Shield

I had mentors who wanted to steer me toward their version of leadership: polished, slick, and deeply guarded. I regularly found myself butting up against their expectations, trying to fit into their mold, and feeling completely out of sync with what mattered most to me.

Eventually, I had to ask myself some tough questions:

•   Where am I out of alignment with my own values?
•   If I was OK with them being mad at me, what would I say?
•   How would I organize my days, and what would I show people that I’m currently hiding?

Answering those questions wasn’t easy. I had to come face to face with my biggest fears:

•   What if I lose respect?
•   What if they’re mad?
•   What if I fail?

But here’s what I learned: real leadership doesn’t come from keeping everyone happy. It comes from standing firm in what matters, even if it makes waves.

What Principle-Driven Leadership Creates

When you stop leading for approval and start leading with your principles, everything changes.

•   You create clarity and trust. People see you mean what you say, and they trust you to follow through.
•   You open doors for others to speak up. When you model courage, you create a ripple effect that empowers others to find their voice.
•   You find a sense of peace. There’s nothing more freeing than leading on your own terms, unapologetically.

This is what I call leadership energy. It’s grounded, values-driven, and focused on what truly matters - not just what’s popular.

Your Turn: Where Are You Biting Your Tongue?

If this resonates with you, let me ask:

What’s one area of your life where you’ve been biting your tongue?

•   Maybe it’s a tough conversation you’ve been avoiding.
•   Maybe it’s a boundary you need to set.
•   Or maybe it’s about showing up as your whole self, unapologetically.

Take a moment to reflect. Where have you been people-pleasing instead of standing firm in your values?

Ready to Lead with Confidence?

Leadership isn’t about perfection, it’s about showing up with clarity, courage, and authenticity.

If you’re ready to stop biting your tongue and start leading boldly, let’s talk. Send me an email at [email protected], and we'll get the conversation started.

Your voice matters. Let’s make sure it’s heard.