It’s Dry January, and you’ve probably heard the headlines: alcohol is officially classified as a carcinogen.
Cue the collective “Wait, what?” from wine lovers everywhere.
But let’s get real: for a lot of us, giving up that glass of wine at the end of a tough day - or worse, after an argument - feels overwhelming.
This isn’t about whether you should or shouldn’t drink. You’re a grown-ass woman and can make that call for yourself.
But here’s what I know: sometimes, that glass doesn’t feel like a choice. It feels required.
When Relief Feels Non-Negotiable
You know the drill: the tension, the frustration, the ugh of it all. It builds, and that glass of wine seems like the fastest way to take the edge off.
Except… it’s not.
The truth is, calming down after an argument doesn’t start with what’s in your glass. It starts with knowing you showed up 100% true to yourself, no matter how the other person reacted.
Being 100% Right with Yourself
This is something I’ve had to learn the hard way.
Five years ago, I reached the pinnacle of my coaching communities. From the outside, it looked like I’d “made it.” But on the inside, I felt a disconnect.
I wasn’t showing up as the leader I wanted to be. I wasn’t aligned with my values. I wasn’t saying the things that needed to be said.
And honestly? I wasn’t fully at peace with myself.
To get there, I had to dig into three big things:
- Knowing My Non-Negotiable Values
- What do I stand for, no matter the situation? What truths anchor me when things get messy?
- Creating Safety Before Tough Conversations
- How do I regulate myself so I can lead without losing my cool, even when emotions run high?
- Processing the Emotions of Conflict
- How do I handle it when someone’s mad at me, disagrees with me, or even thinks I’m dead wrong?
These aren’t skills we’re taught. There’s no “Emotional Regulation 101” class in school. No “How to Be True to Yourself Even When It’s Messy” seminar in college.
But they’re skills we can learn, and they’re the game-changer when it comes to finding peace in conflict.
The Game-Changer
Here’s what I’ve discovered:
When you walk into a tough conversation knowing you’re 100% right with yourself - grounded in your values, calm in your energy, and ready for whatever comes - you don’t need that second glass of wine to calm down after.
Because the peace you’re craving? It’s already there, inside you.
That’s mastery.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being real. It’s about showing up true to yourself, saying what needs to be said, and letting go of what’s beyond your control.
How to Start Finding Peace in Conflict
If you’re ready to stop relying on wine (or Netflix binges, or doomscrolling, or any other “quick fix”) to take the edge off, here’s where to start:
- Define Your Non-Negotiables
- What values matter most to you? What truths are you willing to stand up for, even if it’s uncomfortable?
- Create Safety for Yourself
- Before a tough conversation, take a moment to ground yourself. Breathe deeply. Remind yourself of your values.
- Process, Don’t Perfect
- After the conversation, reflect. What went well? What could you have done differently? Give yourself grace; it’s not about perfection.
Your Turn
How did you calm down after your last tough conversation?
Was it a glass of wine, a long walk, a vent session with a friend—or something else entirely?
Whatever your answer, take a moment to reflect: Did it truly bring you peace, or was it a temporary fix? And what would it feel like to have that peace already within you, before the conversation even began?
Drop your thoughts in the comments or send me a message. Let’s make 2025 the year you lead with unapologetic confidence - wine or no wine.
We’re in this together,
Amy
