Being told, “You’re doing it wrong,” when you’re trying your best to do it right? It stings.
I’ve been there.
- Thinking I was showing solidarity by buying the T-shirt or coffee mug, only to realize I was just feeding capitalism.
- Getting publicly called out by an anti-racism thought leader for completely missing the mark on an electoral college post. (Yikes.)
- Crying over injustices that didn’t impact me personally and unintentionally centering myself in conversations that weren’t about me.
These moments felt like gut punches. The urge to retreat, to stop trying, to stay silent? Very real.
But here’s what I’ve learned: discomfort doesn’t mean you’re failing.
Discomfort Is the Catalyst for Growth
If you’re doing work that matters - advocating, speaking up, stepping into leadership - you will get it wrong sometimes.
You’ll misstep. You’ll cringe at your past actions. You’ll face moments that make you question, Why did I even try?
But growth doesn’t happen by avoiding discomfort. It happens by staying in it long enough to:
- Listen.
- Learn.
- Grow.
The truth is, real change doesn’t come from playing it safe.
The Messy Journey of Growth
The first anti-racism book I read, I had to reread one chapter five times before it clicked. I couldn’t get past the defensive voice in my head shouting, “Wait, I thought I was doing the right thing!?”
I could’ve stopped there. I could’ve said, “This isn’t for me.”
But I didn’t.
Instead, I:
- Kept reading, even when it felt like a personal call-out.
- Subscribed to anti-racism Patreons and leaned into the discomfort.
- Found a trusted colleague who let me process my feelings without judgment.
- Sat with my defensiveness, letting it simmer without acting on it.
We’ve all been taught to be “Good White Women.” For some, that means compliance with society’s expectations. For others, it’s rebelling in ways that still fit neatly into the confines of white supremacy.
True goodness isn’t about aligning yourself with the concept of Goodness. It’s about being willing to break the confines.
This is some of the hardest work I’ve done - and the most necessary.
The Power of Staying in Discomfort
Discomfort is where the magic happens.
It’s where you:
- Advocate for what matters, even when you feel awkward or unprepared.
- Build the resilience to keep going, even after being told you missed the mark.
- Create leadership that isn’t about being right, it’s about being real.
Every time I’ve stayed in the discomfort, it’s helped me grow into the leader I am today.
How to Stay in Discomfort and Grow
Here are some steps to help you stay in the discomfort and turn it into growth:
- Acknowledge the Sting
- It’s okay to feel hurt or defensive when you’re told you’re wrong. Sit with those feelings, but don’t let them drive your actions.
- Seek Understanding, Not Validation
- Instead of seeking reassurance that you’re “one of the good ones,” ask, What can I learn here?
- Find Your Anchor
- Ground yourself in your core values. What matters most to you in this moment?
- Take Action Anyway
- Whether it’s apologizing, learning, or trying again, take the next best step—even if it feels uncomfortable.
Your Turn
Where in your life are you sitting in discomfort right now?
Maybe it’s speaking up on a tough topic.
Maybe it’s owning a misstep and doing the work to make it right.
Maybe it’s learning to lead with your values, even when it’s messy.
Whatever it is, I want you to know: you’re not in this alone.
The change you’re working toward? It’s worth the discomfort.
Drop your thoughts in the comments or send me a message. I’d love to hear where you’re at and cheer you on as you keep going.
You’ve got this,
Amy
