What If You Regret Speaking Up? 

Last week, we talked about what to do when it’s not safe to speak up.

But what about when it is safe - and you speak up anyway - and then the spiral starts?
The regret.
The overthinking.
The “Why did I open my big mouth?” loop.

Yeah. That.

I Know This Territory Way Too Well. 

I have spent most of my life second-guessing nearly every conversation I’ve had - even when they weren’t high-stakes moments.

I know the early flicker of doubt:

• Wait, did I make that weird?
• Did they understand what I was trying to say?
• Did I just speak out of turn?

Then comes the regret:

• Maybe I should’ve just kept my mouth shut.
• I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.
• What if I made things worse?

And then the spiraling:

• They totally think I’m weird.
• I bet they’re talking about me right now.
• I can never face them again.

This is what I call the aftermath fear. And it’s real.

Especially if: 

• You were raised to be nice, not direct.
• You’re the peacekeeper, the steady one, the “reliable” one.
• You’ve been dismissed or punished for clarity before.
• You’re a woman in a workplace that rewards confidence in theory but penalizes it in practice.
• You’re neurodivergent and replay convos like a greatest-hits reel of cringe.

Here’s what I want you to know:

Fear after the fact doesn’t mean you did it wrong.
It just means your nervous system is catching up with your courage. 

Why This Happens 

When you’ve spent most of your life filtering, fawning, or freezing…
Saying the thing - out loud, in real time, in the room - is a shock to your system.

Your brain and body go:

“Wait, we don’t do that. We think about doing that. We write a paragraph in our Notes app. We drive home and say it out loud in the car. But actually saying it???”

It feels like danger, even when it’s not.

And if you’ve ever experienced backlash for speaking up, your body is bracing for it again, even when nothing bad is happening.

So Let’s Talk About What to Do After You Speak Up 

If you’ve ever spiraled after a conversation, even one that went well, here’s your reset:

1. Remind Yourself: I Am Safe, Even Though I Feel Unsafe. 

This is my go-to for any moment when my nervous system is on overdrive.
That amygdala is lighting up like there’s a saber-tooth tiger waiting outside the door.

But there’s not.

“I am safe even though I feel unsafe” is the gentle interruption your brain needs.
You’re not crazy. You’re human.
You’re just feeling the effects of being brave.

2. Ask Yourself: What Do I Know For Sure? 

Not:
“What might happen?”
“What are they thinking?”
“Did I ruin it?”

Just "What do I know to be true right now?"

• You said something that mattered.
• You spoke in alignment with your values.
• You didn’t attack or shame.
• You’re uncomfortable, but you’re not unsafe.

Breathe.
Hold your own hand if you need to.
Come back to what’s actually true.

3. Decide What Kind of Leader You Want to Be 

This is one of the first things we do together in coaching: define your leadership for yourself. 

Not the version that’s always polished.
Not the version that gets it perfect on the first try.
Not the version who keeps everyone comfortable.

The one who:

• Speaks with clarity.
• Stays rooted, even if she has to revisit or clarify later.
• Doesn’t apologize for being brave.

This is where regret stops and leadership begins.

One More Thing: That “Should I Have Said That Differently?” Loop 

Maybe!
Maybe next time, you will say it differently.

But that doesn’t mean you were wrong to say it this time.

This is another core piece of the coaching work I do; we evaluate your leadership in real-time.

What worked?
What didn’t?
What will you try differently next time?

Because leadership is a living practice.
Not a static role.
You don’t get better by staying silent.
You get better by doing it, reflecting, and doing it again with even more clarity. 

You’re not reckless. You’re practicing.

And practicing leadership is how you become a leader who doesn’t spiral after speaking truth.

Coming Next Week: 

You know what really messes with your voice?
Being misunderstood. 

Next Tuesday, we’re going there - how to hold your ground when people misinterpret your tone, your meaning, or your motives.

Because you can be clear and still be misread.

And it doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

Want to Lead Without the Spiral? 

My 6-week coaching program is officially open this week - my birthday week! 
And it’s built for exactly this moment.

This isn’t mindset fluff. It’s strategic, grounded, and designed to get you real results:

~Handling hard conversations - without spiraling for days after.

~Getting the raise, promotion, or leadership role - without over-explaining your value.

~Saying the thing - without replaying it a hundred times in your head.

Want in? DM me or email [email protected] and I’ll make sure you’re on the list.

Because speaking up shouldn’t be followed by shame.
It should be followed by change.

Let’s Talk 

 • Have you ever regretted speaking up?

 • What helps you come back to yourself when your brain wants to spiral?

 • What conversation are you afraid of - not before, but after?

Drop a comment. Let’s talk about it. You’re not alone in this.