What to Say When You Freeze in the Moment
There’s no doubt the leadership that brought us here isn’t moving us forward - leadership that rewards dominance, punishes nuance, and expects you to speak up with perfect clarity, even in high-stakes moments.
I’m here to help us all reimagine what leadership can look like.
But I know all too well that grand visions of the future of leadership won’t keep me from freezing in the moments that matter.
Frozen Moments Have Marked My Career
I once had a boss who was impossible-to-please.
She got mad when I followed her previous plans - why wasn’t I more innovative?
She got mad when I tried new ideas - why didn’t I run it by her first?
She got mad when I made decisions on my own - and when I brought decisions to her instead.
I didn’t fight for what I knew. I didn’t know how.
I felt too dumb in the moment to stand in my own clarity.
She trusted me with the role, but I didn’t know how to say:
Now trust me with the work.
So I froze.
Again and again.
And on the drive home, the words would come.
Me in the car, gripping the steering wheel, saying, “And another thing…”
It wasn’t a knowledge problem. It was a leadership muscle I hadn’t built yet.
Why You Freeze (Even When You Know What You Want to Say)
If you’ve ever been put on the spot and gone blank, you’re not alone.
We freeze because:
- You do know something; but you’ve internalized that belief that you gotta be 100% sure before you speak up.
- You’ve learned to equate leadership with having the “right” answer, instantly.
- Your nervous system goes into survival mode, trying to read the room instead of trusting yourself, and now your brain can’t access what you know.
- You haven’t clarified your own internal values, so in the moment, you’re unsure what’s really worth speaking up about.
None of this means you’re not cut out for leadership.
It means you’ve never been taught how to stay in the moment and stay in your power.
Until now.
What to Do When You Freeze: A Three-Step Reset
These aren’t theoretical. They’re the exact steps I’ve used (and now teach my clients) to handle the “oh no” moment where you feel yourself go blank or want to shrink.
- Ask Yourself: What Do I Know for Sure?
This helps you anchor into clarity, even if it’s just one piece of the puzzle.
You don’t need all the answers - you need a foothold in what you know for sure.
Maybe it’s:
- What do you know isn’t sitting right.
- What do you know has been tried before that did not work.
- What have you learned from doing this before.
Pro tip: When you work with me, this step gets way easier - because we spend time defining what really matters to you and what you know for sure as a leader. So when a moment catches you off guard, you’re not scrambling. You’re rooted.
- Reset Your Body
A frozen moment isn’t just in your mind, it’s in your body.
That nervous system is flaring up like a Vegas billboard.
Get your body back on line by trying one of these:
-1-2 Breathing
Breathe in for 4 counts, out for 8 counts.
Repeat twice. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and signals safety.
-Cross-Body Stimulation
Pass something from hand to hand. This activates both hemispheres of your brain and helps settle your vagus nerve. (It may sound woo, but it’s real neuroscience.)
You don’t have to “calm down.” You just need to help your brain feel safe enough to keep going.
- Name It. Claim It. Pause It.
You don’t need to perform brilliance on command. You just need to stay in the game.
Sometimes Steps 1 + 2 are enough to find your voice again in the moment.
But if you still feel stuck, you can always say:
- “Give me a second. I have something to say, just want to gather my thoughts.”
- “This is important to me. I want to circle back to it once I’ve had a moment to process.”
- “I’ve got some thoughts here, but I need a beat before I respond.”
Holding your place in the conversation is a power move.
You don’t have to respond instantly to be effective.
You just have to make it known - you have a voice, and you’re coming back to use it.
You Can Learn to Handle These Moments Differently
The solution isn’t becoming someone who always knows what to say instantly.
It’s becoming the kind of leader who knows how to pause, re-center, and still speak up.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s power. Because real leadership isn't loud, it's grounded.
And if you’ve spent your life driving home whispering “I should’ve said...”
Let’s make sure the next time, you do.
Coming Soon: A New 6-Week Coaching Experience
I’m finalizing the details of a brand-new 6-week coaching program designed to help you:
- Speak up - even when you’re nervous or caught off guard.
- Handle hard conversations without spiraling after.
- Lead with more authority, clarity, and confidence.
- Make the move you’ve been circling for months.
- Finally stop second-guessing what you should’ve said.
We’ll help you get results like:
- Being seen as powerful and influential - without faking it.
- Getting the raise, the promotion, or the leadership role you actually want.
- Feeling calm and clear in conversations that used to leave you spiraling.
Spots will open this week. If you want early access, DM me or email me at [email protected] and I’ll make sure you’re the first to know.
Let’s Talk
- Do you have “frozen moments” you still think about?
- What helps you stay in the game when your body wants to shut down?
- What questions do you have about speaking up in the moment?
Drop a comment. Let’s open this conversation wide up.
