We need to talk about how we talk about conflict.

Because if you listen closely, our entire culture treats tough conversations like a battle.

• Pick your battles.

• Stand your ground.

• I don’t want to fight with him about it.

No wonder so many of us avoid them.

The Problem with “Go to the Mattresses” Thinking

Remember You’ve Got Mail? Meg Ryan’s character is told to “go to the mattresses” against Tom Hanks’ character. It’s a reference straight out of The Godfather - a mafia idiom about preparing for war. There’s even a scene where she play-boxes, psyching herself up for a tough conversation.

But here’s the thing: Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks weren’t actually at war. They were two business owners with competing perspectives.

This is how deep it runs.

We’ve been conditioned to see disagreement as war.

To believe that if we enter a conversation where we’re not on the same page, we better armor up, prepare to be attacked, and get ready to fight for our lives.

And no wonder so many of us avoid these conversations altogether.

What If Tough Conversations Aren’t a Fight?

The problem with framing every disagreement as a battle is that it triggers survival instincts.

• We brace for impact before we even open our mouths.
• We assume we have to “win” (which means someone else has to “lose”).
• We either charge in ready to throw verbal punches or we retreat completely, because who has the energy for that?

But here’s the truth:

It’s not war. It’s the friction of progress.

• Every groundbreaking idea was once met with resistance.
• Every social movement faced pushback.
• Every leadership decision that changed the game was uncomfortable at first.

The presence of disagreement doesn’t mean something is wrong.

It means something is happening.

When we stop treating all hard conversations as fights we have to win and start seeing them as part of the process of getting what we actually want, everything shifts.

How to Reframe the Way You Think About Conflict

If we want to stop avoiding tough conversations, we have to stop thinking about them as battles.

Here’s how to reframe the phrases we’ve all been using:

Instead of: Pick your battles

Try: Decide what truly matters between you and what you want.
Not every disagreement requires a conversation, but if something is standing between you and the life, career, or relationships you actually want? It’s worth addressing.

Instead of: Stand your ground

Try: Decide how you want to feel, no matter what, and what you want to believe about yourself, even if the other person doesn’t agree.
Conflict doesn’t have to be a power struggle. You can stay steady in your values without turning it into a fight for dominance.

Instead of: I don’t want to fight with them about this

Try: Why is this important to me, and how can I make sure we’re both heard here?
The goal isn’t to “win.” The goal is to make sure your voice is heard and the conversation actually goes somewhere.

Your Leadership Isn’t About Winning. It’s About Impact.

The way you navigate tough conversations impacts every part of your life - your work, your relationships, your influence.

What you want is on the other side of the tough conversations you’re avoiding.

• That raise? It’s on the other side of the conversation where you advocate for your worth.
• That stronger relationship? It’s on the other side of the boundary you’ve been scared to set.
• That seat at the table? It’s on the other side of the moment where you stop waiting to be invited and claim your voice.
• That more equitable workplace? It’s on the other side of speaking up when something isn’t right.
• That clarity you’ve been craving? It’s on the other side of finally saying what you mean instead of what’s expected.

Tough conversations aren’t just something to get through.
They’re how you get what you actually want.

Your Next Step

If you’re done waiting for permission to step into your full leadership power, let’s talk.

Book a consult call with me, and let’s craft the plan that gets you real results, without the stress of overthinking every move.

We’ll:

• Get clear on where you’re holding back and why.
• Identify exactly what’s on the other side of the conversations you’re avoiding.
• Map out your next steps so you can start leading with more ease, clarity, and impact.

Email me at [email protected] to schedule your call.

Because the future you want? It’s waiting for you on the other side of this conversation.

The world needs your voice. Use it.
Amy