Last week, we talked about what to say when you freeze in the moment.
But what about when it’s not freezing that holds you back - it’s fear?
What about when saying what you really think could cost you your job… or your safety?

This isn’t hypothetical. It’s real.
And I want to talk about it.

Because some of the women I coach aren’t quiet because they’re unsure.
They’re quiet because they’re smart.
They’re calculating the risk.
And sometimes, the safest choice is not to speak up - at least not right then.

When Speaking Up Feels Unsafe - Here’s Why That Might Be 

You might be in one of these situations:

• Your job is at risk. The person with power over your paycheck doesn’t take feedback well.
• You’re dealing with a power imbalance—a senior leader, a board member, a potential client.
• You’re in a place where your physical or emotional safety isn’t guaranteed.
• You’ve tried before and paid the price—retaliation, stonewalling, exclusion.
• You’re the only one who sees the problem—and you know you’ll be labeled “difficult” just for naming it.

Let’s be clear:

This doesn’t mean you’re weak. 
It means you’re paying attention. 

Power Isn’t Just About Being Loud. It’s About Being Strategic. 

I’ve said it before: Leadership isn’t about being louder. It’s about being braver. 
But brave doesn’t mean reckless.
Sometimes, leadership means knowing when not to engage.
And figuring out what to do instead.

Here’s What to Do When You Can’t Speak Up (Yet) 

1. Calculate the Power in the Room 

This is the foundation of my coaching: political capital.
You might have more influence than you think - but first, you need to get clear on where power is actually held.

Ask yourself:

• Who gets listened to here?
• Who’s afraid to speak up - and why?
• What kinds of ideas are accepted? Who’s rewarded for speaking up?
• Do I have any leverage in this moment?

Sometimes, calculating your political capital shows you this isn’t your moment.
Other times, it shows you where the door might already be cracked open. 

Either way, it’s power.

2. Build Your Discernment Muscle 

This is a skill - and it takes practice.
I learned this firsthand while canvassing for the first time this spring.

I’m managing a campaign in a Missouri school district that’s made national news for banning Black history and gutting equity policies. I’ve been doing strategy, messaging, and behind-the-scenes work for months.

But this month, I started knocking on doors.
And I didn’t know who was safe.
At every driveway, I had to read the room before I stepped into it. 

Their body language. Their eyes. The energy shift after I said why I was there.
Some people were clearly open. I leaned in.

Others? I could tell they were itching for a fight.
And that’s when I’d pivot. Thank them. Move on.

I didn’t need to prove anything.
I didn’t need to convert them.

Discernment is learning when the door is open - and when it’s locked and deadbolted. 
And I only built that discernment by knocking on the next door. And the next.

3. Stay in Integrity - Without Sacrificing Yourself 

If you can’t speak up directly, that doesn’t mean you can’t speak up at all.

Here’s what integrity can look like in complex moments:

• Saying less in a room that doesn’t feel safe - but documenting what really happened.
• Finding an ally who can name the thing you can’t (yet).
• Speaking truth outside the moment - in a 1:1 conversation, a post, a personal journal, a quiet strategy with your people.
• Knowing what you believe even if you can’t say it out loud (yet).

You’re not abandoning your values.
You’re protecting your capacity to keep showing up. 

When You Can’t Speak Up… It’s Still Leadership 

Real leadership isn’t about bulldozing your way through unsafe spaces.
It’s about being strategic with your energy, your words, and your safety.
It’s about recognizing the moment - and deciding how you want to move.

Because every moment isn’t the moment.
And silence doesn’t mean surrender.

Coming Next Week: 

Sometimes, you know it is time to speak up - but you’re still scared.
Next week, we’re going to talk about the fear of what happens after you speak up. 

The regret. The spiraling. The “Should I have said that differently?” voice.
I'm just an ADHDer who just LOVES to ruminate after the fat, so we’re gonna dismantle it.

Coming Soon (I swear!): A New 6-Week Coaching Experience 

This is exactly the kind of leadership work we’ll do inside my new 6-week coaching program.

You’ll walk away with:

• 🔥 Tools to handle high-stakes conversations (or decide not to enter them at all).
• 🔥 Skills to stay calm, clear, and centered in real time.
• 🔥 A grounded sense of power that doesn’t depend on other people’s approval.

Doors open this week. (Pray for me and Kajabi to become best friends.)

If you want early access, DM me or email [email protected].

Let’s Talk: 

• Have you ever stayed quiet - not out of fear, but strategy?
• What helps you know when to engage and when to hold back?
• Where are you learning to trust your discernment?

Drop a comment. Let’s talk about the real stuff.